How did I get here
I am 44 years old and the mother of 3 incredible young men. I've been divorced for 14 years - 13 of those years were spent with another *wrong man*. As of Thanksgiving I am completely single and looking forward to the rest of my life.
Somehow ALL of this snuck up on me. Everybody asks how this happened. Truth is I don't know. There was no car accident, no fall that I can remember. There is no single incident in my life that I can point to and say *there!... that's when it started*. Unless I fell and hit my head in that same fall? I don't know. I just remember waking up one day and my back hurt. Over time it hurt more and more. One day I walked into the doctors office for a blood pressure check and prescription refill and he (the doctor) asked why I couldn't stand up straight. I didn't know so he sent me for an MRI. The MRI showed a couple of herniated disks and a bunch of other stuff... degenerative disk disease, acute osteoarthritis, hypertrophy of something or other, prominent stenosis to..... who cares anymore. Everybody these days has some sort of disk disease, nothing to worry about he says. He sent me off to PT.
PT didn't help. I think it made things worse but what do I know. He then sent me to an orthopedist who recommended epidurals. I wasn't having any of that. All 3 of my kids were born by emergency C-Section and I had epidurals with all of them. They all ended up being done under general anesthesia because the epidurals didn't take. 1 - 2- 3 - 4 sticks with that needle did nothing. Now here I was, years later with bad disks in exactly the same area they were poking in? No! Epidurals broke my back. There was no way they could fix it! (can you say stubborn?)
I went back to my primary who convinced me that epidurals were the way to go. He pointed out that the epidurals he wanted me to have were different than the kind they use for birthin babies and that maybe, just maybe the reason they didn't take was because there were problems there to begin with. Who know. It made sense in my non-medical head. 6 months of those (twice a month) and I still couldn't stand up straight. In fact, I was much worse now. I couldn't stand up at all!
It was explained to me that each nerve in your body has a certain amount of this chemical in it. If the nerve is pinched it starts emitting this chemical that tells your brain *HEY! I'm HURTING HERE!*. If that nerve stays pinched it freezes. It locks up and (for lack of medical terminology) it becomes paralyzed. I had a bunch of pinched nerves so when they paralyzed...... I fell. I would fall walking from the living room to the bathroom. I would fall walking up the steps to my house. I would fall standing at the sink doing dishes. I'd fall in the grocery store and at work too. Anytime I spent too much time on my feet I hit the ground. My heart breaks when I think about how many times my kids came home and found me on the floor.
It was around this time that my job moved my office to my home and my doctor recommended surgery. I had a microdiscectomy on May 8, 2007. That stopped the falling but the pain in my back was still severe. The surgeon sent me back to PT which again did nothing for the pain. He tells me my only other option is another surgery. I had spinal fusion on October 2, 2007. When I woke from the surgery my entire right leg was paralyzed they still dont know why it happened or why it hasnt returned to normal. Sometime in mid-November the surgeon went back in to remove some scar tissue that he believed was causing the problem. For those of you not keeping score... thats 3 surgeries in one year.
As of today I have 70% usage and 40% feeling in that leg. One doctor told me it could take as much as 5 years to return to normal. Another doctor told me to get used to it, it's never going to change. I don't care anymore. It gets me all the good parking spots at the mall.
In February of 2008 I started having epidurals for pain again. Twice a week every month for I dont remember, 4 or 5 months. The doctors over there suggested that I have radiofrequency neurotomy. He told me that I would need the procedure done twice. Once on the left side, once on the right. In June (or was it July?) I had it done on the right side first. The insurance company refused to pay for another procedure on the left.
During all of this time I gained 60 pounds. Now before jumping to any cheesecake conclusions I know that some of that fat came from quitting smoking. I smoked a pack a day every day for 33 years. The surgeon told me that my fusion had no chance of success unless I quit. I don't know... he fed me some nonsense about nicotine hindering the fusion process. True or not I wasn't taking any chances. I quit smoking on October 1st 2007. I started again in March 08 then quit again when my kids decided to complain in May. I haven't had a cigarette since May 2008.
Even though I have been through all of this bullshit I still hurt. I hurt if I sit too long. I hurt if I stand too long. One day I decided that I was superwoman and that I could do anything. We needed milk and there's a deli right on the corner. Nobody was home and I wanted coffee so yeah.... I decided I could walk my big ass down the street for milk. I made it TO the deli. I couldn't make it home. My neighbor came outside, found me on the sidewalk and brought me home in my wheelchair. Superwoman can walk, just not too much.
I came to the conclusion that since I wasn't any better all those doctors were quacks! So I went to see another one. He said that I'd been *over operated on* and that there was nothing more that could be done. He handed me yet another prescription for Vicodin and sent me on my way. I REFUSE to believe a word he said!!
I lost my job on my 44th birthday October 30. The company filed for bankruptcy (Thanks George!) and laid off 80% of their corporate staff so I had to stop the epidurals. I was in a car accident on November 5th and finally got the nerve to kick a HUGE pain in the ass out of my life on November 23rd. The holidays are over and I want to start my life again.
All of those rambling paragraphs are reasons for my condition. They will not be excuses.
2009 my year to be happy. My year to be fit. My year to find ME
Welcome to my journey. Buckle your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy ride